YEAH, mom and dad, here I am... 

After a lot of practicing and waiting on your side I am finally here. But I gotta warn you: I am gonna mess up your life! Because I want all your attention, I want a lot of food, I shit a lot, I am gonna embarrass you because I burp shamelessly and I want to sleep most of the time because I am gonna wake you up when I can! You think

I am cute but I am not. Not really. Not in my first 6 months. I am gonna cry a lot, you just don’t know why I do it. You want me to laugh but I just don’t know how to do it. You want me to talk but I really don’t like to, especially when you keep talking stupid to me…

But, there is always a but, I want to make a deal with you. If you help me, I will start making silly sounds. I don’t want clothes anymore with those silly things on it. They annoy me. I am a no-nonsense kind of baby! And I really don’t want to wear those old-fashioned things because I am hip, in case you don’t know! So just get me some B*E*S*S wear. I really like them because it’s basic and hip! And it’s also good for you: it’s value for money! So if you help me, I will help you. The least I can do is I’ll try to grow up…

Deal?